Secondly, drop in a readymade apology for unintentional offence and plea for further dialogue, as put together by US radio host Celeste Headlee and outlined at : Emergency manoeuvre: what if you think you’ve put your foot in it? There’s no need to assume that you are either about to mess it up, are messing it up right now, or have just messed it up. Casual chitchat could actually be a far more welcome feature of people’s lives than its stereotypical reputation would suggest andĢ. The researchers called this disconnect ‘The Liking Gap’, and their discovery of the phenomenon indicates two things:ġ. In 2018, a team of social psychologists found that subjects of a small talk study “s ystematically underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company”. Don’t always assume you’re on the back foot Think: ‘ I’m so tired,’ ‘I’m so busy,’ or ‘ How will I make it to Friday?’ If we replace these phrases with a more positive practice – one that promotes feelings of gratitude – physical and psychological benefits can follow.”Ĭompliments or words of appreciation, she adds, “ can enhance performance and social interaction.” There’s evidence for that, too. In a piece for wellbeing resource Thrive Global, assistant editor Jessica Hicks writes: “Conversations with colleagues often consist of complaints and negative comments. “ The zealous correction,” she writes, “ may raise concerns about empathic ability.” Enough said. Vega also strongly urges against correcting the people you are trying to win over if they happen to mispronounce commonly mispronounced words. “ By being more preoccupied with being interested than being interesting,” she notes, “you’re sure to win over a colleague or a new friend.” 3. With those prefixes in hand, your chatter will instantly shift to open questions and, all being well, have a conversation motoring along. In a piece for Quartz at Work, University of California communications specialist Kacy Vega says that, to get some much-needed continuity going, aspiring small talkers should draw from the trusty journalistic toolkit of ‘ The Five Ws and H’ – said initials denoting Who, What, Where, When, Why and How. Similarly, if your stabs at small talk never seem to get past the monotonously monosyllabic, it could well be that you and/or your sparring partner are throwing too many closed questions into the mix – the conversational equivalent of wet wood on a bonfire. These are questions that could only ever have Yes or No answers and, as such, are singularly unrevealing interrogative tools. Ask questions that will actually go somewhereĪny journalist worth their salt boils over with frustration when witnessing other journalists – typically on time-filling, 24/7 news channels – asking closed questions. They restocked the cold brew in the kitchen and it’s so strong. Have you heard of it?’”Īlternatively, she writes, “mention something office-related, where there’s a shared common experience: ‘ I’m good. I just started a book/podcast/TV show and I’m really enjoying it. “Go to your inner Rolodex of topics… and move the short conversation forwards by replying why you’re ‘good’. In a September 2019 column for The New York Times, co-founder Lindsay Mannering offered a simple way out of the fruitless “ How are you?” / “Good, how are you?” cul-de-sac:
Indeed, that research seems to indicate that if we all think small talk is meant to be endured, we could use a few trips to the chitchat gym to tone our conversational muscles. If we only see these interactions with our colleagues as idle chat, do we have any right to be surprised if it never gets off the ground? It is perhaps here that we arrive at the true crux of the matter.
In other words, like many other workplace activities, successful and effective small talk depends upon an element of problem-solving. This is meant to be casual conversation – not some sort of torture.Ī far more upbeat assessment of small talk can be found in a 2010 edition of specialist journal Social, Psychological & Personality Science, wherein a team of researchers found that the practice actually sharpens cognitive ability. Last July, workplace collaboration platform GoToMeeting, in partnership with OnePoll, published research showing that the average office worker ‘endures’ 21 bouts of awkward office small talk every week. We’re not trying to wind anyone up or put anyone out – particularly if we’ve only just joined an organisation and are in the foothills of what could be a lengthy quest to find out whether there are any like minds in the building. Why should this be? We all set out with good intentions. We all feel compelled to make it, but hardly ever want to hear it. Small talk should be a quick and easy means of building rapport with colleagues, but all too often fizzles out.
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